How Can I Help: an ongoing thought of never doing enough

With so much going on, from job losses, to floods, to people losing their homes, to shootings—I just feel helpless. I made a song about helping, and I help out a lot at my church—and as I’m writing this, I’m in Gonzales, working with AT&T to provide a charging station and free calls to those in the shelter—but in my heart, it still doesn’t feel like enough. I feel like there’s so much more I should be doing.

I understand that we all have limited time and resources, and we can only help so much, but still, are we doing enough? Are we stretching ourselves further than our comfort zones? Or are we donating just enough of ourselves and our resources to look good? Hey look at me, I’m helping! That’s the echoes in my head. There’s this threshold that remains in front of me at all times. It’s usually in my peripheral, not always present, but off to the corner, I see it, or sometimes feel it. That threshold tells me that I’m a good person, and I’ve done my duty as a human and as a new Christian. It’s that threshold that, when I meet it, bells ring, notoriety comes, peers are proud of me—and then I can drift away, feeling better about myself. But it’s that threshold that stops me from reaching further.

I feel guilty and hypocritical. I want to help you without telling others that I’m helping you. I don’t need the recognition. I want to give you my time, but with a 40 hour job that involves late hours, I’m limited on the time I can give you—but even that feels like an excuse.


August 18, 2016

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