NASHP - I Always Mean Well


There’s a piano playing. It controls the song, and it captures the emotions. There’s urgency here, and that’s not always easy putting into words. The piano plays for 20 seconds, and then it repeats again, but this time it shares the moment with my voice:

Music is spinning inside my soul. Too many sins, I’m out of control. How do I hold on and let you go at the same time. How do I cope? How do I care for you, and not be there for you? Because it’s not fair to you. How do I untie the rope and let you go? I’m sorry, I gotta go. Music is spinning inside my soul. You see me silent, on the inside, I’m about to explode.

This is a search for that fire that drives creativity, and a search for the stability that kept me moving forward. This is a deep dive into the past, humbling myself, and flushing out the demons that are holding me back.

What makes this song important for me is not just the vulnerability I show in it, but the way I respond to a creative drought that I’ve struggled with for many months: I respond by releasing a 8 minute song, possibly the longest one of I’ve ever made. Creating this song felt like a finally” moment, as if the valve was finally opened for the words to start pouring out. The theme lyrics I wrote in January were, I’m working on my return”, and this song is evident of just that.

Robin Williams:

You’re only given a little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it.


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