Just a few minutes ago, I had a friend remind me to “Be The Light” (nashp.com/light). She said that at the perfect time.
“I wore your shirt today. Remember you are a light in this world. It still exists even though you can’t see it.”
Being a light. During this season of my life, it feels like the furthest thing from my identity.
I wish I was more consistent with who I am and who I want to be. I get in my own way a lot though. My mood shifts so quickly that it would probably give you whiplash. In the blink of an eye, I go from inspiring and ready to change the entire world, to suddenly landing in a place that some would consider rock bottom.
No in between. Very high. Then very low.
Disappointment. Rejection. Insecurity. Unmet expectations. Reality distortion fields. Lack of stability. Desires that are out of my control. All of the above. I get in my own way. Way too much.
I also understand that I don’t take it easy on myself. I’m my own worst enemy, as we all are, but it feels like I take this to extreme levels. Unintentionally, of course.
If you have books or resources that relate to anything I’m saying, send them my way. The amount of books I have queued in the Kindle to help me with these topics is definitely keeping me busy.
I’ll be traveling a lot in the next few weeks. My schedule will also be changing when I am home. There’s toxic cycles that’ll be removed. This world is too big to continue doing the same thing over and over. We’re all given 24 hours. We decide where that time goes. Every day. So why am I living a constant loop? That will change starting now.
(I recently took an enneagram test. If you care about the results: nashp.com/wepss. It says a lot about me and what makes me tick. It’s scary how accurate it is.)