For My Brother

A Dream
Please Join Us
Middle Child
I Look Up To You
Your Sobriety

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A Dream

Trapped inside of a dream, my eyes opened up as a seven-year-old boy, in a pitch black room filled with candles that illuminated the hallway. 🜂 The electricity appeared to be out, but the glow from the candles and the fire that crept through the curtains helped give the room a dim light. I observed the room around me: blankets were tied to chairs, creating passageways and tunnels with sheets filled with cold air 🜁 turning them into bubbles that floated over the vents on the floor. My brother’s eyes shined through one of the passageways, staring back at me. 🜄 I tried to make sense of his location. You’re just a kid, my brother said. 🜂 You can’t save the world. I tried to respond to him, but every word seemed to block its way out, holding onto my tongue and fighting not to be released into the dream. I began to crawl through the tunnels, looking for my brother, but he was nowhere to be found. The room was tiny, so he shouldn’t have been that hard to find, but the passageways, held up by air bubbles, went on for hours. 🜁 I never did find my brother that night. 🜄

Please Join Us

Tell me, what you got for me? What you got inside your pocket? Better be profit. 🜃 I’ve been waiting all night for you. A few people tried to talk to me, but I ignored them. Gotta be careful who you’re friends with. By the way, we’re not friends. This is business. Nothing personal. The price talks. Circled around twice, pulled up right here, and turned the lights off. 🜄 I’ve been scoping out the scene. You never know who’s on the other person’s team. Look at your reflection in the mirror. Now ask yourself, should I kill you? Looking for my brother. 🜄 Mother told me I could find him here. Didn’t mean to interrupt you. Apologize, I’m not from here. I can see that you’re busy. Didn’t mean to disturb your business, but my brother’s been gone since six. If you could possibly tell me where is he? 🜄 Well, if you see him, then let him know that dinner’s ready. We cooked spaghetti. Mother told me to tell his friends that’s on the corner: if they’re hungry, we cooked extra. So please join us. 🜁 Please join us. For my brother. Backpack full of cash. I was raised that you exchange at the same time and look the other man in the eyes to show respect. 🜂 I’m young, but family training taught me that. 🜄 I was recruited as a student. I’d get home from school and learn more than I ever did in a classroom. Just open up the bathroom. How could school be useful? Got on the bus and sold to my pupils. Yea, this lifestyle is right for me. Get off the bus and all the kids would run right to me. Too much business. Gotta skip school for the day. Woke up and I suddenly realized that school was in the way. Go! 🜃 Looking for my brother. 🜄 I didn’t see him during school today. Maybe he’s getting sick again. I hope and pray that he’s ok. Mother doesn’t know. She thinks he’s here. I wonder where he’s at? If you see him, tell him I’ll be in the library, near the back. 🜄 A mother’s quote: “I’ve been thinking about some things. You know, if you’d been a preacher, your brothers would have been preachers. 🜂 If you’d been a soldier, they’d be soldiers. 🜃 They came here because of you. You called and they came running. That’s because they look up to you. They always expect you to know what’s best.” 🜄

Middle Child

A mother’s quote: “Don’t ever wander down that wrong road. 🜂 It’s easy to go down, but boy, it’s hard to get off of it. And you know, help Momma with Nick. You know, Nick is such a good, wonderful kid, he’s just down that wrong road, and we need to get him back on the right one. 🜄 You know, if a family ain’t gonna be there for him, who will? He’s all we got. We’re all he’s got.” I thought I saw you late last night, but it was just a flash of light—an angel passing. But I remember yesterday, life before you went away, and we were laughing. 🜃 As far back as I can remember, nobody ever knew where I’d end up. Now, enter the mind of me—the middle child. This kid is wild. Somebody needs to sit him down and try to figure him out, but they never did. 🜁 They just labeled him a troubled kid. No understanding of what he’s feeling. Where to live? He knows there’s no home. 🜄 No friends, no family. He’s so alone. Dad’s always yelling, and Mom’s always selling. “You’ll never be as good as your brother.” That’s what they tell him. 🜃 Makes him want to give up. Can’t live up to the expectations he’s facing. Heart’s racing. Stay calm! Feels like the calm before the storm. Everything’s about to go wrong, so hold on. 🜄 So hold on. Everything’s about to go wrong, so hold on. I thought I saw you late last night, but it was just a flash of light—an angel passing. 🜁 But I remember yesterday, life before you went away, and we were laughing. I feel trapped. Where’s my family at? I’m about to have a panic attack. 🜂 In class, all I keep thinking about was last night—when I found that glass pipe. Mom’s living the fast life. Last thing on my mind is getting my math right. 🜃 Mentality’s ████ school. I’m just trying to pass life. 🜁 My whole life I was raised around crazy people that made me just a little off balance. How dare they talk about me, and how I’m not caring? 🜄 It’s apparent, I’m a spitting image of my parents. Swearing, music blaring, drugs, fighting and flaring. 🜂 To a normal kid, this would be scary—but not me. You created me. This is who you made me to be, and now you want to change me? 🜃 I’m angry. You can’t go to prison, come back, and think that I’ll forget about the past. A heart doesn’t heal that fast. 🜁 Feel the pain in my brother’s brain. 🜄 Heartbroken. It’s hard for me to open up. The minute I try to show emotions, I start choking up. So I close it shut. 🜁 No love, just drugs is what I’m soaking up. Wanted to be something special, but due to my surroundings, I played the hand that I was dealt. 🜂 Now, this is the outcome. 🜃

I Look Up To You

This is a dedication for you. More like inspiration for you. If you ever feel like giving up, and nothing that you’re doing’s ever good enough 🜁 know that I notice you, and I’m hoping you can find the strength in you to continue, because I believe in you 🜂 This is for my brother. You’re my little brother, but you’re my big brother, because you’re taller than me, so I look up to you 🜃 You’re stronger than me. You’ve seen it all—the rise and the fall—you witnessed it 🜄 I had visions of escaping from it, and I was successful, but I left you while hibernating away from the pain 🜁 Left you in the middle of flames, and you burned, and you learned from our parents 🜂 Good or bad, you made the best of what you had. What was left of Dad, what was left of Mom. You were traumatized 🜃 I love you more than I can say in rhymes, but never let them see you cry: that’s the motto 🜄 You’ll get numb from what’s inside of that pill bottle. Don’t swallow it 🜁 The maze was amazing—the way you maneuvered through it and came out of it with confidence, like problems were you training 🜂 I can say life was hard for me, but it wasn’t, because I escaped it 🜃 You were in the middle of it all, and you never left 🜄 You’re still there, and it still haunts you 🜁 Chasing reality’s such a battle that’s exhausting, and somewhere back there, I think I lost you 🜂 I just want you back—the kid that builds tents with me, with vents in the trailer 🜃 Hide and seek was my favorite 🜄 Memories are spinning around me—remembering you getting off the bus with me, then you dropped out, and we became distant 🜁 I can tell you that I miss you, but I’m always too busy to visit you. I’m such a hypocrite 🜂 I talk it, but you’re living it. This is real life 🜃 This is a dedication for you. More like inspiration for you 🜄 If you ever feel like giving up, and nothing that you’re doing’s ever good enough 🜁 know that I notice you, and I’m hoping you can find the strength in you to continue, because I believe in you 🜃 You’re my little brother, but you’re my big brother—because you’re taller than me, so I look up to you. 🜂

Your Sobriety

Keep moving forward, I’m so proud of you 🜁 I watched your growth, and now I follow you, constantly. Your potential is unstoppable. I’ve always believed in you, but you defeated something that could’ve easily won 🜃 All of your 20’s, I just remember you being numb and barely there. I would look over to someone half asleep, with a blank stare. A heroin addict 🜄 As you know, that chapter usually doesn’t have a happy ending. I was prepared to lose you. My heart was there for you. But I was prepared for that phone call: it finally got him. He overdosed. Probably wouldn’t have even cried. Knew it was just a matter of time 🜁 I braced myself in case you died. Your sobriety is a sight to see, and honestly, it made me believe in God.