Trying to Conceive, by Chelsea Breaux

I’ll be starting something new on my site: a series of guest posts. I know a lot of creative people. I also know a lot of people with powerful stories and testimonies. I’d like to give these people a platform to share something, as well as add more value to my site.

  1. John LeBeouf
  2. Devin Wright
  3. Gilbert Marcel
  4. Ashley Samanie
  5. Rocky Angelette
  6. Chelsea Breaux

This week’s guest post is from Chelsea Breaux. She opens up her heart and goes through the process of trying to have a baby while being infertile. So many of my friends have kids, so I’ve never stopped to consider what it’s like for someone who wants them, but their body isn’t cooperating. I appreciate this personal story being a part of this series. It adds a new level of depth to my guest posts.

Trying to Conceive

I was 20 years old when I got married. I had the love of my life, and I thought that nothing could stand in our way. He wanted to wait to have kids and I wanted them immediately. There was a giant hole in my heart that I thought only children could fill. I begged and pleaded that we try for a year, and if it didn’t happen, I’d back off. He agreed. I was foolish thinking that it would happen just because I want it to.

About 6 months in, I was defeated. Leonce, my husband, would try to keep me upbeat. 9 months in, I was miserable to be around. All of my friends had kids and I began to resent them. I was so angry and sad. We were fighting every day and only talking when it was necessary. When the year was almost up, Leonce and I finally sat down and waved the white flag on trying to conceive. That was the first and hardest year of our marriage. I took my emotions and stored them in a vault in my heart and threw away the key. I couldn’t process or deal with why I couldn’t have a child, so I didn’t. I lied. I told everyone that it was better this way, because we really didn’t want kids anyway. That lie cut me to my core but it’s the only way I could manage the flood of emotions that were attacking me every second.

In early 2015, all of the emotions of struggling to get pregnant came flooding back. That vault that I locked away didn’t need a key because it exploded. All of those emotions were there waiting for me like an old friend. I asked Leonce if we could try to get pregnant again. He was reluctant at first but we agreed to some boundaries and rules. If I at any point became a crazed maniac like the last time, he could pull the plug on trying to conceive, and help talk me off the ledge. It takes a special kind of man to stand by a crazy lady trying to have a baby. He is honestly the most amazing man I’ve ever met. We tried on our own that year, but when our anniversary came up in October, and we still weren’t pregnant, I brought up going to a fertility specialist. We threw the idea around but never did anything about it.

January of 2016 comes along and I decided I wanted to get together with all my friends that I had been neglecting over the years and have a party for my birthday. We got together at my favorite Thai restaurant and it was like the last 4 years never happened. They welcomed me back with love and opened arms. I didn’t know it at the time but one friend, Amie, would change my life forever. After my birthday one morning, I was bored and had this heavy weight in my chest, and I needed someone to talk to. I saw on Facebook that Amie was having a lazy day at home with the kids so I went out on a limb and asked if she wanted to have coffee. This just so happened to be the most powerful coffee date of my life. We talked like no time had passed at all and then the heavy stuff started spilling out of my mouth before I could even stop it.

I told her about the hole in my heart that I interpreted as needing children and just feeling lost. That’s when she invited me to Cross Church. I was hesitant at first, because I grew up Catholic, and I felt guilty, but going to any church was better than none. I took the leap. I got up the next morning to go to church for the first time in 5 years. What an experience.

I had never been to a more inviting and loving church. When I got home, I couldn’t explain it to Leonce. I just told him he had to experience it for himself. I raved about it all week, and come Sunday, we were going together this time. He fell in love, and I knew we had found our church home. Over the past 8 months, our lives have become so filled with love and happiness that even in the dark times of trying to conceive, we knew we had a family at church ready to support us, no matter what the test results said. We tried for six months, and in June, we decided that would be our final month. No one tells you the mind-games that comes with the medication. Every month your body thinks it’s pregnant, so every month you get excited and start dreaming about names and nursery themes . . . and then nothing. You are left with nothing. Another month of doctor visits and pills and shots. Another month of questions and concerned looks. Another month of, are you pregnant yet? And for some crazy reason you keep going back and you keep riding this carousel of insanity.

Luckily, I jumped off before it got too deep. Serving in Cross Kids has been a huge help in rebuilding my relationship with God. It showed me that I’m more than infertility. I have nieces and nephews and Godchildren that love me and show me how important I am regardless of parenthood status. The relationships I’ve built through Cross Church and serving in children’s ministry have changed my life forever. It’s so hard to put in to words the change in my life. God has showed me that I’m loved beyond my own comprehension. He has a plan for me. He knows when the timing will be right for us to start a family. Joining Cross Church and small groups has truly brought life change. Only by the grace of God and love of my church family could I share my story and know that I will be okay.

Frank Ocean - Godspeed (DVSN Remix)

Creative Minds: Week 5

Five weeks in and I’m still stunned by the amount of energy I’m getting from this group. I thought it would’ve died down by now, but instead, it continues to increase. There was also a festival tonight, which helped. There was also another field trip: we walked a few blocks to watch JP perform again (the video of this is at the bottom).

Jakku: First Wave, a Star Wars short film

Ethan Anderton:

Jakku: First Wave is a simple but affective short film put together by Benjamin Eck focusing on a small group of Stormtroopers who have a few moments to themselves inside an Imperial walker just before a door opens and sends them right into the battle of Jakku.

These Japanese minimalists own just a few material objects and have never felt freer

100 Greatest TV Shows of All Time | Rolling Stone

Rob Sheffield:

There’s never been a creative boom for TV like the one we are living through right now. Ever since The Sopranos changed the game at the turn of the century, we’ve been in a gold rush that gives no signs of slowing down. What better moment to look back and celebrate the greatest shows in the history of the art form?

Friday Recap (09/23/16)

Coding coffee. I drink more coffee now than ever. I now own a French Press, an AeroPress, an Espresso machine, an electric kettle, and an imitation Keurig. Becoming a connoisseur before knowing how to pronounce or spell connoisseur.

To continue the theme of building some type of schedule for my site, I’m going to try something new: every Friday, I’ll do a recap of a variety of things: from that week’s posts, to events and moments in my life that I want to share.

Discussion list for this week:

  • About Friday Recaps
  • Share Your Story
  • Dear Future Wife
  • Testing iPhone 7 camera
  • Am I still a Saints fan?
  • Creative Minds: Week 4
  • Rounders: A Netflix Review
  • Miscellaneous

About Friday Recaps: This is the third week that I’ve done the Friday Recap, and I’m appreciating it more each time. It’s accomplishing a few things at once:

  • Giving you a quick way to see what I’ve been up to that week.
  • Promoting things I’ve wrote that week one more time.
  • Giving me a schedule to focus on, and a deadline to be conscious of throughout the week.
  • I know that I’ll have to recap my week, so now I have to make sure I’m writing throughout the week. I can’t have a recap without things to recap, so I write more.
  • These recaps give me the freedom of a journal, a public journal, but it’s format is like writing in a daily journal about how I’m feeling or what I’ve been up to.

With all of these points in mind, I can see this being something that stays around for awhile. Even if I had a slow week, the recap will say, I had a slow week, sorry.

Something new I’ll do this week, and going forward, is to share the Friday Recaps with my mailing list (sign up here or at the bottom of this post). That adds pressure to the recaps, because I use my mailing list carefully and not frequently. I value the time of those who are willing to sign up and give me a chance, so I prefer not to bother them too much (If you’re reading this from the mailing list and want to see the last two weeks, here’s 09/09/16 and 09/16/16). So sending them a weekly email is scary, but I’m trusting the quality of these recaps, and I’m confident that they’ll be one of the more popular sections of my site.

Share Your Story: I wrote about how my guest posts are going, and how anyone could be a part of this series. If you have any kind of story you want to share, get in touch. Doesn’t matter how big or small, I’ll prove to you that it’s worthy of being shared.

Here’s a list of the first five:

  1. John LeBeouf
  2. Devin Wright
  3. Gilbert Marcel
  4. Ashley Samanie
  5. Rocky Angelette

Dear Futur Wife: This week’s guest post was from Rocky, who publicly writes a letter to his future wife. Some are light-hearted and funny, while some are serious and intense.

Testing iPhone 7 camera: This wasn’t a major test, or even a long photoblog, but rather just the first few pictures from the iPhone 7. If I do end up getting the iPhone 7 Plus (the one I want, but is sold out—I’m working on it), I’ll do a follow up initial test with that camera. Overall though, either camera is night and day from the 6s. It captures colors and quality, even in low-light situations, better than any smartphone camera ever has.

Am I still a Saints fan?: This was an interesting post from this past week. I’ve never been in this position, and a year or so ago, I would’ve had too much pride to even write something like this. And although I know I’m still a fan, I found it fascinating to even consider the thought.

Creative Minds: Week 4: I couldn’t make it to this week’s Creative Minds (was at a friend’s bachelor party), but it was still a success. They were nice enough to send me the group picture and two videos from the night. (If you haven’t been keeping up, here’s Week 1, Week 2, and Week 3.)

Rounders: A Netflix Review: I have this new project where I review something random on Netflix. Doesn’t have to be long, but just giving my thoughts on it. Here’s Rounders.

Something I’ll be trying to get better at is reviews. Despite the compliments I get, I know this is an area of my writing that I have to improve on. And it’s not even about the writing, it’s the process of understanding the thing I’m reviewing. It’s about getting to know that product or movie or album, both the good and bad. I can’t review something that I don’t fully understand. (For context, here’s the reviews I’ve done that I’m proud of: Blonde and The Night Of.)

Miscellaneous: I had a few cool things I linked to this week: iPhone 7 demolishes the Note 7 in speed testing, John Gruber explains the design of the iPhone 7, Apple is rumored to be acquiring luxury carmaker McLaren, here’s a really good video titled, 34 Creative Cuts From Stranger Things (one of the best shows I’ve watched in years), I enjoyed Radiohead’s Present Tense, and The Weeknd released a new song yesterday titled Starboy that features Daft Punk.

Thanks for stopping by. I hope to keep this writing streak going. Your daily visits, donations, and overall encouragement is keeping me on fire right now. Let’s keep it going.

Mr. Robot - Season 2 (Trailer)

Mark your calendar. July 13th.

Goliath (Trailer)

Billy Bob Thornton stars in this new Amazon series.

Once a powerful lawyer, Billy McBride is now burned out and washed up, spending more time in a bar than a courtroom. When he reluctantly agrees to pursue a wrongful death lawsuit against the biggest client of Cooperman & McBride, the massive law firm he helped create, Billy and his ragtag team uncover a vast and deadly conspiracy, pitting them all in a life or death trial against the ultimate Goliath.

First Trailer For Assassin’s Creed Movie Is Here

Death Note: Light Up the New World (Trailer)

The story continues.

DEADPOOL Destroys the Box Office and Breaks All Kinds of Records

Joey Paur:

Over the weekend, Deadpool pulled in over $260 million worldwide. It made around $125 million internationally and $135 million domestically. That makes it one the biggest R-rated openings ever, surpassing The Matrix Reloaded‘s $91.7 million. It also now claims the record for largest R-rated comic book movie opening ever, previously held by Zack Snyder’s 300, which made $70.8 million on its opening weekend. Deadpool also takes the top spot for the 20th Century Fox’s biggest opening, beating Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith, which made $108.4 million.

Last night we had tickets to watch The Choice, a Nicholas Sparks romance movie. When we got to the window to pick them up, we decided to switch the tickets to Deadpool. Best Valentines movie ever.

The Dark Knight — Creating The Ultimate Antagonist

Batman and The Joker aren’t competing for the survival of humanity. They’re competing for the soul of Gotham. The stakes are personal.

10 minutes of in-depth analyst, exploring why Heath Ledger’s Joker is the ultimate antagonist.

Stanley Kubrick - The Cinematic Experience

Stanley Kubrick:

The most important parts of a film are the mysterious parts - beyond the reach of reason and language.

Stanley Kubrick : A Life In Sounds / Candice Drouet

The Weeknd - Starboy (feat. Daft Punk)

The return of The Weeknd, and this time with Daft Punk. I like the electronic sound to this. I like how unpolished the vocals are. This is a faster pace than usual for him, a nice transition and progression into the next album. The album, which is also titled Starboy, has a release date of November 25th.

Share Your Story

5 weeks ago, I started a weekly guest post series on my website. It’s been a huge success. What I love most about the ones I have so far is the variety. Each one is completely different from the next.

Here’s the 5 I have so far:

  1. John LeBeouf
  2. Devin Wright
  3. Gilbert Marcel
  4. Ashley Samanie
  5. Rocky Angelette

Now I need yours. I have a dozen people working on one right now, and a few that are either done or almost done. You don’t have to be a writer or be creative to share a story. These guest post have one job: give a voice to the voiceless.

Talk about your favorite team or your favorite movie. Write about your new eating or workout habits. Share a few of your favorite pictures you’ve taken about a specific moment. Your story matters: big or small, long or short.

Someone told me they’re not worthy of telling their story. Another person told me nobody cares about that topic. I disagree with both statements. If not us, then who? And who will be able to tell it from our perspective? Our story is our own. It’s what sets us apart from the person next to us. It’s what makes us special.

If you have something you’d like to share, no matter how small, I’ll help you polish it up and present it to the world. It might feel like an overwhelming task, but I hope to show you how easy it actually is.

My goal is to have very successful writers and creators sitting next to people you might’ve overlooked otherwise, and it’ll be hard to tell the difference, because each one just shared a story.

Radiohead - Present Tense

About the iPhone 7 Design

Sometimes, I come across an article that explains a topic so well that I have no reason to write anything else about it. These are the paragraphs I’ll show someone when they’re complaining about how the iPhone 7 looks like the iPhone 6.

John Gruber:

There is a large contingent of pundits who apparently would be more excited about a new iPhone that looked entirely different but had the exact same components as the iPhone 6S than they are by the actual iPhones 7, which are shaped like the 6S but have amazing new components. I don’t get that mindset at all. It’s like being a car pundit and judging the new Porsche 911 with a meh” because it looks like the previous 911, and never even considering what it’s like to actually drive the new car.

And then:

Here’s the genius of the black and (especially) jet black iPhones 7. In a very seductive way, they look like something new and desirable. And at the same time, they are instantly recognizable as iPhones. That is what Manjoo and similar-minded I’m-bored-with-Apple’s-designs don’t get. With a highly successful product and brand, new versions need to strike a balance between familiarity, the foundations of the brand, and hot newness. The bored-with-Apple crowd just wants the hot newness.

You need to recognize a Porsche 911 as a 911. An iPhone needs to look like an iPhone. The design needs to evolve, not transform. The thing to keep in mind is that the iPhone itself, what it looks like in your hand, is the embodiment of the iPhone brand. There is nothing printed on the front face of an iPhone because there doesn’t need to be. The Apple logo is the company’s logo. The iPhone’s logo is the iPhone itself.

34 Creative Cuts From Stranger Things